Labour should impose a State of Courage

Jon Cruddas and Stella Creasey are reported by the Guardian to be saying that:

The old model of politics where progress depended upon centralising the capacity to act – whether in the market or by top down state intervention – no longer works,

They appear to be echoing sentiment in the Guardian by left of centre think tanks that said Labour must embrace:

Devolution of state institutions, by giving away power and resources to our nations, regions, cities, localities and, where possible, directly to the people.

Both opinions are totally wrong and neoliberal lies. Most people don’t want any power over matters that affect them. They want most of their life to be dictated to them by bureaucrats and the political elite.

Ordinary people are too stupid to have power, let alone to delegate it sensibly. People don’t want to have the ability to hold a face-to-face conversation with the person making decisions at their local school to make effective decisions for their children should the need arise. No, they want the Minister of Courageous Schools to deliver a dictate that stipulates that all Children of The State will receive their education in a fair prescribed manner that shall may not be altered for any for reason.

Most people want to have no control over their own life. They want to be ruled at arms length by Politicians of Courage I know of not one single ordinary person that has the desire or ability to have any involvement in the running of their own life.

You can call me a statist centralist if you like. Go on. But I obviously understand people better than you.

Labour should impose a State of Courage. I do, of course, unashamedly state that my semenal book State of Courage should become mandatory reading. And only a Cowardly Politician would dare to disagree with me.

Labour has to be bold, but its main idea must not be to trust other people with power. If they do that then we might as well live in some sort of democracy. If the left is to be relevant is has to take power to achieve the unambiguous goal of hoarding power for The State.

That is what ordinary people want. They want to see The State impose its will on them, not the other way round! They won’t vote for a party who want to let ordinary people have their say on things like health, transport, education, law and order, and so on.

Labour has to get its narrative right, and The State must be at the heart of it. Without The State the little people will not be able to function. They will simply keel over and die without it.

Without The State, people are nothing. Labour should tell them that. There is no other option for the left.

Speaking truth to twitter

Last night I decided to speak great truth to the world through twitter. Here it is, for completely inexplicable reasons not in reverse order:

Twitterstormbegins

TwittertruthtopowerI think the logic of this truth speaks for itself and requires no further comment.*

 

*Obviously I will comment further explaining which neoliberal caused me to write these tweets and clarify why they have been making straw man arguments and why this is not a straw man argument and why I never ever make straw man arguments and why my research must be correct because everybody else has been brainwashed by neoliberalism. But that is because this self-justifying and stand-alone post will be taken out of context by selectively being quoted in its entirety as a sign of me making continual straw man arguments and being an intolerable egomaniac.

Welcome our newest pioneer: Dogface Limited

The Mark of Fair Tax

Rufus Hound has asked me if he could get the Mark of Fair Tax to show he pays his fair share of tax.

Of course, I said no.

I explained to him that the Mark of Fair Tax is only available to limited companies. So he said “I’ve got a company that I use to shift income to my wife for tax purposes. Can I get it for that?”

So I said “Of course, just give me the cash and I’ll set you up as a pioneer”.

So, give Dogface Limited a warm ethical welcome!

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There are nine billion credit cards in Beijing

This is the Chinese Bubble in a graph from the FT, this morning:

Screen shot 2014-02-28 at 08.49.55

I found this quote interesting too:

China has a staggering 4.2bn bank cards in circulation, enough for every mainlander to have at least three.

Ten times more of them are debit cards than credit cards (3.8bn compared with 391m), but credit card issuance also rose by 19 per cent in 2013, and Euromonitor predicts credit card usage will grow faster than that of other cards over the next five years.

Anybody reading that quote or looking at the graph above would arrive at the conclusion that there are now three credit cards for every Chinese mainlander.

That is an undeniable fact.

I defy you to conclude otherwise. The logic is simple yet compelling:

Debit cards are bank cards.

Credit cards are bank cards.

Therefore all debit cards are credit cards.

That is basic logic and only a neoliberal would argue otherwise.

Introducing the Mark of Safe Sex

Here at the Institute of Fair Tax we have received some useful feedback (which for decency I cannot repeat here) that has given us a fabulous idea. Our patented Mark of Fair Tax methodology needs minimal changes to provide those engaging in coitus with a guarantee of a disease-free experience.

I hereby introduce the Mark of Safe Sex. Continue reading

Why don’t people love me?

Lots of people have been calling the Mark of Fair Tax nasty things like “a blatant attempt to cash in”, “opportunistic and greedy” and  “just a bit shit really”.

Well, now I know what it is like to be Marmite if most of the respected food scientists in the world universally declared that Marmite contained a considerable proportion of bovine excrement.

All I’m trying to do is make a lot of a little bit of money whilst making the world into a place that conforms to my ideal of a State of Courage. That is a place where The State can use its position of authority to dictate the morality of the ruling elite, the Politicians of Courage, to its unquestioning subjects.

Why don’t you love me for trying to impose a State of Courage?!? WHY?

Fairness is fair because it is fair and I say so – now piss off

A lot of people are asking me about The Mark of Fair Tax and why Civil Society has appointed me to be arbiter of fairness.

They also have had the temerity to ask me how they know that I’m not just going to decide on a whim whether they get the Mark of Fair Tax. What these neoliberal imbeciles don’t understand is that is exactly what the methodology is. I just decide whether you get it or not, and then I take your money.

What, do you think I’m going to spend ages looking through the accounts and tax disclosure notes? Do you think that I would consider asking the applicants for some actual proof that they are not avoiding tax all over the place?

Of course I’m not going to do that.

I am just going to give the briefest of looks at the applicant and decide whether they are the sort of business that should receive the Mark of Fair Tax.

That’s it.

How long do you think that will take? Not long at all. That’s why the Mark of Fair Tax is so expensive. We need to provide a disincentive to every Tom, Dick and Harry applying for it. It’d just look like some worthless and meaningless sticker if everybody had it, wouldn’t it?

You see, tax is entirely subjective. And that means that I can quickly decide what is fair and what is not. There’s no point trying to pretend to be objective and to try and arrive at a decision using objective facts and principles, and to try ensure that the law is applied equally to all.

No, have a guess at what tax you should pay. If I like you, it’s a good guess. If I don’t, it’s a bad guess and you don’t get the Mark of Fair Tax.

That’s all tax is. So I’m not going to bother trying to explain any methodology because it’s just stuff I made up to try to make it look like we’ve got one.

Right, now stop wasting my time, I could’ve knocked out a hundred Marks of Fair Tax in the time it has taken me to talk to you lot.

Welcome our newest pioneer: My Nanny’s Personal Service Company Ltd

The Mark of Fair Tax

I am personally pleased to announce that Murphy Richards Jr and Murphy Richards III’s nanny’s company has earned the Mark of Fair Tax.

I am sure you will join me in welcoming this into the pantheon of ethical businesses.

Well done My Nanny’s Personal Sevice Company Ltd.

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Welcome our newest pioneer: Silveta Ltd

The Mark of Fair Tax

I am pleased to announce that we have been able to award our latest Mark of Fair Tax this morning.

I was contacted yesterday by Ken Livingstone who was seeking accreditation for his work as a speaker. I referred him to our handy flowchart.

Ken then phoned me up delighted to say that he already met the first criteria as his after-dinner speeches were already the intellectual property of a company of which he and his wife were joint shareholders.

I confirmed that all he needed to do was send me the money, and I would give Silveta Limited the Mark of Fair Tax.

So it is official. If Ken Livingstone were to pay income tax and NICs on his earnings as they arose, he would not be eligible for the Mark of Fair Tax.

But, fortunately, as he uses a corporate vehicle to defer income due to him…

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