New comments policy

It seems that the reaction to my loud word to the trolls has disproved my hypothesis that publicly throwing a tantrum and playing the victim would completely remove the problem of the nasty trolls who plague my site.

For inexplicable reasons, it is almost as if I encouraged the trolls. I imagine that nobody in their right mind could have seen that coming.

So I have been advised in the most explicit and elaborate terms by Frances Coppola, and some schizophrenic cuddly toy salesman, to kick everybody who disagrees with me off my site. For those of you that can understand the nuance of real-life conversation, this exchange went like this.

Murphy Richards: I am plagued by people who refuse to agree with my despite the fact that I am obviously correct.These people are imbeciles and fools and trolls and sophists. Neoliberalism is the bane of my existence and I am certain that this is definitive proof the existence of a conspiracy by a shadowy organisation to undermine my credibility by making me look like a petty-minded buffoon. I don’t know why I bother sometimes.

Other person (I forget who): Whatever.

Murphy Richards: You are so right. I will go and change my comments policy immediately.

Reading between the lines, it was clear that there was unanimous sympathy in Civil Society for my plight and an unambiguous demand for me to start editing other peoples’ comments on my blog to stop them making me look so idiotic.

I have previously said that comments are welcome on this blog. I’ve changed my mind. You can all go to hell.

My new comments policy will read like this:

  1. I can do whatever I want to your comment when you post it here.
  2. I can edit your comment in whatever way I like.
  3. If I can’t figure out how to edit a comment to my satisfaction I will delete it.
  4. If you do not comment on this blog, I reserve the right to use your personal details to insert a comment from you that says anything that I might think you could possibly say.
  5. In these terms and conditions “your comment” includes comments made in accordance with points 1, 2 and 4.
  6. Despite the fact that I have complete control over what is published under your name on this blog, you retain all liability for your comment.
  7. This is all actually legally binding stuff. I’m not winging it and hoping that it looks like I know what I’m talking about. I’m a legal expert you know.
  8. By providing your comment on this blog you jointly and severally accept all legal liability for comments by all other contributors including Murphy Richards.
  9. I am not legally liable for anything that is published on this site.
  10. Changes to these terms and conditions will be published on the noticeboard in my den and you agree that all amendements apply even if you are not aware of them.
  11. All terms and conditions, and subsequent amendment, apply retrospectively from the moment of my birth.

When people start disagreeing with me on my own blog and citing facts that suggest I don’t know what I’m talking about, all the enjoyment of blogging goes out of the window. I only get paid £35,000 a year to write this blog. So when people start expecting me to check facts and ensure my work isn’t completely misleading, this blog starts to seem like a poor use of the time before I have breakfast in the conservatory.

It is much more gratifying to say whatever I want without regard for the consequences. So in order that I can continue to behave in that manner, I’ve had to make these changes to my comments policy.

You only have yourselves to blame.

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