January is the most wonderful time of the year… for tax!

As an actual real-life actual accountant, I indeed spend most of my January doing accountantly things. Which is why I only have time to blog eight or nine times a day at present.

I love this time of the year. Every day I deliver the joyous message to my clients of what their forthcoming contributions to The State will be. Of course, all bar one of my clients submitted their tax return back in July. 

Being an actual real-life actual accountant rather than some self-promoting rent-a-gob political lobbyist, I understand that there’s always one problem client, isn’t there.

No, I am simply writing to all my clients reminding them of their January payments and listing out all the ways that The State will enjoy spending their money in the next year.

Needless to say, all of my clients, being ethical sorts, are delirious at the fairness of their tax liabilities for 2012/13. In fact, several of them are disappointed that there is no facility to increase their payments on account for 2013/14.

But given the time of year, I (being an actual real-life actual accountant) understand that there are those incompetent neoliberal accountants who continue to act for immoral and selfish clients who don’t look forward to telling The State about their finances.

So I thought it would still be an appropriate time of year for me to give you my top five tips for ethically completing a tax return:

  1. It is easy to be fooled by the fact that your self assessment tax return contains references to “reliefs” on page TR4 or Ai2. These pages should remain completely blank. Instead, you should be completing the details in boxes 17 and 18 on page Ai4 under tax avoidance schemes and including full details in additional information box 19.
  2. You won’t need the property pages SA105. This sort of rent seeking is immoral and should not be rewarded by failing to levy NICs on it. Instead you should treat the income as trading income and ensure that Class 2 and 4 NICs are paid.
  3. Likewise, seeing pages SA108 for capital gains is a warning sign. This might tempt you into considering that the sale of assets might be eligible for the lower rate of tax on capital profits. No, this should go on SA103F self-employment pages.
  4. You should complete the residence pages SA109 even if you are UK resident and domiciled. Hopefully, you will simply be declaring that you are not non-resident and not non-domiciled in the UK by not ticking any boxes. Do consider putting a note of gratitude to The State for your UK residence and domicile in the additional information box.
  5. Don’t forget to put a note in the additional information box on the tax calculation pages that the “Underpaid tax” section takes does not allow you to note that the UK Government is undercharging you.

If you do not find these tips useful you are either a tax expert like me or an immoral neoliberal.

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One thought on “January is the most wonderful time of the year… for tax!

  1. Murphy

    My chest bursts with euphoria and pride in this January tax return season and so I advise my clients to fill in the white space in the tax return with a comment along the lines of the following:

    I express here my joy at paying tax and my gratitude at the State of Courage for taking the tax from me as I would only waste it otherwise on consumer tat knocked up by underage girls in Asian sweatshops whereas my taxes fund the worthy public services the State of Courage provides for its citizens, such as outreach diversity consultants – how did we ever function without them before? It also fills me with joy that the taxes that are being assessed in this tax return will fund the costs of health, education, housing and other social benefits of any old or young foreign “Tom, Dick or Harry” who rolls up here in the back of a lorry as well as the members of their extended families.

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