Submit your tax return, you complete moron!

A firm of accountants has noted that:

As many as 120,000 parents of middle-class families are set to be hit by fines of £100 from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) for failing to repay their child benefit.

Parents that fail to register for Self-Assessment and complete an online form to repay the child benefit received in the 2012/13 tax year by 31st January 2014 will be hit with an automatic £100 penalty.

Additional penalties could be applied to those who fail to act, reaching as much as £1,600 for those who file more than 12 months late.

I fully support the imposition of penalties for tax returns submitted late.

I also think anyone paying them is pretty stupid.

That person paying a penalty must be a right idiot. A total simpleton. An imbecile. A fool. A dunce. A twit. An ignoramus. A nincompoop. A ninny.

To incur a penalty for a late return, you must be a boob. Or a nitwit. Or an oaf. Or a twit.

In other words, you are a moron.

I mean, it is not like your average person who has never had to complete a tax return before, or doesn’t understand why you might need to complete a tax return, might be caught off-guard by the need to fill in a tax return for a withdrawal of a state benefit (introduced at the most logical time of three-quarters of the way through a tax year).

This applies especially to single parents who happen to get caught by the high income child benefit charge. You, madam (it is always the neoliberal women who selfishly keep custody of the children), are a moron for not noticing such a fact in between working full-time, perhaps multiple jobs, and looking after your family with no support whatsoever.

And, do you know what? If you haven’t actually been told by HMRC that you might be affected by this, that makes you even more stupid! You total clod for requiring to be told!

What, your salary is under £50k so you thought you were ok? You overlooked your benefits-in-kind, or some other income in the year, or your small pay rise tipped you over the £50k late in the year and you weren’t aware of the apportionment rules? You buffoon!

I mean, everybody knows exactly what they need to do in respect of tax: how much they should be paying and what they need to tell the tax man. That is why that PAYE mess a couple of years back affected nobody whatsoever. It certainly didn’t affect hundreds of thousands of people who would certainly all be complete cretins for not realising.

And it is not like this adversely affects those who do not do things online either. I mean, it is not like many people fail to submit their return on time because they are digitally excluded, maybe because they live in a rural broadband-free area, submitting a paper return despite the fact that the paper deadline has long passed.

I mean, if this sort of thing actually affects real people, that would illustrate just how out-of-touch and ignorant I am in calling people stupid for failing to submit their return on time.

And it could not possibly be true that I am out-of-touch or ignorant.

As somebody who obviously knows what it is like to be a practising accountant, I can tell you that all my clients know exactly what they need me to do in every conceivable circumstance. And if they don’t they are stupid and it is completely their fault for not telling me that there was some sort of tax issue they should have told me to sort out.

So, I demand that you get your tax return done on time. The State has every right to persecute you if you do not.

Sure, you may owe nothing. You might even be owed a refund for your measly income that barely covers your bills. Regardless, The State has the moral right to wipe out all your savings and bankrupt you should you be too busy or unaware (ie too moronic) to notice that you need to complete your tax return.

And please don’t ask me to do it – my professional indemnity insurance no longer covers me for tax advisory work. Apparently I’m “not suitably qualified in any way to advise on tax matters”.


7 thoughts on “Submit your tax return, you complete moron!

  1. Murphy,

    Whilst I understand the sentiment of your article, I fear that you have fallen for a simple state sponsored trick to encourage tax avoidance, and without correction, you are encouraging the widening of the tax gap.

    In the region of 6m tax payers are due to file a self assessment return by 31 January. If none met the deadline, fixed penalties of £100 per return would net £600m for the treasury.

    However, many neoliberals have taken active steps to avoid this penalty by unacceptably filing their return before the due date, denying the government the fines that are due and reasonably expected b

    Worse still, the beneficiaries of these contrived steps are primarily accountants, who in many cases will be charging their clients many times the penalty avoided, seeing a clear transfer of wealth from the state to the 1%.

    The courageous state would rectify this by multiplying the penalty for late submission tenfold, whilst ensuring that the mechanism for submission is provided by those who administer the Obamacare system, thus ensuring that this unacceptable avoidance of penalties does not continue.

    • Quite right

      I say that in the sense that this comment is almost right. But not as right as if I had said it

      I agree that many neoliberals immorally, albeit legally, avoid penalties by submitting their tax returns before they are penalised for not doing so

      But I remind you that many correct-thinking individuals such as myself, Margaret Hodge and Polly Toynbee are required to submit tax returns through no neoliberality of our own

      It is only correct that we use the existing loopholes to minimise financial loss to ourselves

  2. Might it not be an idea Murphy, to penalise everyone who submits a tax return irrespective of whether it is filed late or before the deadline? After all, the state is providing a service to taxpayers (the assessment of their taxes) and should be able to charge for it should it not? I don’t think that is unreasonable and, candidly, it is my view that anyone who suggests it to be unreasonable is by definition a tax evader.

    • Your sentiments are well intentioned but I would remind you that we operate in a neoliberal era of self-assessment. By your logic, The State should provide a reward (an additional reward to that of being allowed to own property) to taxpayers for completing their tax return rather than penalising those who have abused civil society sufficiently to be required to submit a return

      All subjects of a State of Courage should submit a tax return detailing all information that may or may not reasonably be considered by a reasonable or unreasonable person to be of relevance to their tax liabilities

      Payment will not be required

      However, as all neoliberals will attempt to reduce their contribution to The State, they will be caught by a GRAPIST such as the one I have drafted. Under the provisions of this, they are specifically invoiced for the effort that HMRC have to undertake in determining whether they are caught by the GRAPIST or not (whether they are caught by it or not)

      I believe this achieves what you wish without punishing non-neoliberals who wish to support a State of Courage like you and me

  3. Pingback: Come this June, my response to people receiving late filing penalties (part 1) | The Justice for Taxes Network

  4. Pingback: Come this June, my response to people receiving late filing penalties (part 2) | The Justice for Taxes Network

  5. Pingback: Come this June, my response to people receiving late filing penalties (part 3) | The Justice for Taxes Network

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