Lies, lies and Belinda’s lies!

The House of Lords economic affairs committee earlier today was a game of two halves. The first half was devoted to a bunch of sociopathic neoliberal sophists who devoted their time to dismissing what I later said and making ad hominem attacks on me in advance of my appearance.

Then we had the good half: me and three other chaps who have obviously read my books. Unusually, but thankfully, there wasn’t a woman in sight. Or perhaps there was on the committee, I wasn’t entirely sure.

Firstly, though, I had to get something off my chest. Belinda had suggested that by adopting unitary taxation, we would have lose sovereignty over our tax system. That’s nonsense.

We’d have complete sovereignty over how we tax companies who operate in our jurisdiction. We just wouldn’t have any say over how much profit we tax.

Which would provide a massive improvement on our current situation where we have complete sovereignty over how we tax companies’ profits, but not how much profit we can tax.

So, after I had explained to the Lords that they really should know who I am and they should have read my books in preparation of meeting me, I explained to them that we should have unitary taxation and country-by-country reporting. I then described how intangible assets don’t exist and how they should implement my GRAPIST without delaying for any consultation.

They then told me that we only had until six o’clock and I should perhaps spend less time plugging books and more talking about the important matters at hand. I explained to them that they could just read my books to find out about these matters.

For some reason, they cut me short and didn’t let me say everything I had planned. Apparently we’d got to six o’clock already and I hadn’t even mentioned Cashing In.

Oh well, by focusing on how everybody else was wrong (and lying too) and how I have written several books, I think I managed to convey how intellectual I am. That’s all these politician sorts really care about anyway, they just go with the most intelligent looking person in the room.

That’ll be me then.

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