Being a world famous tax expert, my integrity is often called into question.
People often ask me questions like “Murphy, how come you are so knowledgeable about all things tax and yet you are also so moral? Accountants and tax avoidance advisers appear to be absolute scum.”
Well, the answer is simple. I have integrity.
My integrity derives from my ability to speak the truth to power. I am as honest as they come and I say what I think. In fact, I can’t not say what I think.
Everything I think is so correct it would be immoral if I didn’t say it. I have to share each and every thought in my head because I have integrity.
Neoliberals have tried to silence me by saying things like “you’re not always right Murphy” or “have you even heard of empathy Murphy?” or “this is his f***ing funeral Murphy, shut up you idiot”.
But my integrity is something that all Politicians of Courage should try to emulate. They must not be distracted by people and their idiotic opinions and focus on the truth that is given to them by their Vision of Courage.
That’s what I do.
So when it comes to determining what is and isn’t “tax avoidance” (as the media insist on calling it rather than the tax evasion that it is in fact is) I never bother reading the legislation or Hansard or commentary.
No, I know what Parliament intended. MPs may mistakenly say things that Parliament doesn’t intend so their words are often misleading, as is the legislation they enact.
Therefore, you have to rely on your Vision of Courage to tell you Parliament’s Will.
I say ‘your’, I mean ‘my’. But ‘you’ still means you.
Justice for Taxes will never come into being unless we all start working to the same understanding of tax law as mine.
That’s why I know that people who read the law as it was written and intended, but fail to consult my Vision of Courage, are immoral. They stand in the way of Justice for Taxes.
It doesn’t matter whether they are doing it deliberately or not. What matters is that it would be immoral for me not to show them their immorality and give them a chance to redeem themselves.
This can be very shocking for some of them, and they will often go through a process similar to grieving, with five distinct steps starting with denial.
That is why so many tax avoidance professionals (I mean tax evasion professionals) dismiss me. It’s because I’m right.
These “tax avoidance deniers” (I mean tax evasion deniers) must progress to accepting my wisdom or face imprisonment. After all, they are all committing fraud in the form of tax “avoidance” (ie tax evasion).
You see, tax is morality.
Not in the rightwing sense that people who have to pay more tax are more worthy. In the sense that those who don’t pay as much tax as they possibly can are immoral.
Rich people are inevitably more immoral.
So there is another example of the impeccable logic that I am famed.for.
I think we all agree that if more people thought like me, the world would be a more harmonious place.
On a different note, you will all be aware it is my birthday next Tuesday. I would be grateful if you do not inundate me with cards and gifts as you all seem to every year.
Instead, just raise me a glass as you enjoy reading The Joy of Being A Tax Expert.