National Audit Office demand a GRAPIST

Yesterday the NAO stated that HMRC are rubbish and that they won’t stop being rubbish unless Parliament endorses my GRAPIST.

They don’t actually say that but it seems like they might want to say it so that’s good enough for me.

What’s my GRAPIST? Well, dear uneducated reader it stands for General Rule Against Planning Intent on Subverting Taxation. It is my masterpiece.

In not so many words it says that HMRC can change the taxation of any transaction so long as any reasonable person thinks it might be a reasonable way of taxing something. Basically, were talking about taxing things by reference to what they might seem to be.

Rather like I have inferred what the NAO might seem to have been saying by ignoring the actual words they use.

It’s a good metaphor, I think, even though it may seem like a simile.

As we all know (because we are reasonable people), all reasonable people agree on everything. Otherwise they are not being reasonable. Since i am reasonable, all reasonable people must agree with me on everything.

Don’t be fooled by neoliberal sophists and libertarians who lie and tell you otherwise. They are not reasonable people, so their opinions should be ignored at all times.

Also, the definitions in my GRAPIST are widely drawn to catch many things which may or may not be tax avoidance and things that might not seem to be avoidance until unrelated subsequent events are considered years later.

At the same time as being perfection, there are many drafting errors and mistakes to catch out neoliberal accountants and sophist tax advisers who like to think that these things matter. I assure you these are all intentional mistakes.

Whilst I don’t expect this neoliberal coalition to understand my genius, on the off chance it does and the GRAPIST becomes law, I suggest you don’t bother joining the company bicycle loan scheme.

Oh, and if you are in a defined benefit pension scheme I’d start working out what NICs you should have been paying had you made the contributions from your salary.

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