Using war metaphors for Ireland, because it’s not like there’s any history there…

Sometimes I make a quote to the press I just know they’ll use. Not always, of course. I say a lot of stuff. Most of it’s too intelligent for the public anyway.

I was talking to some journo last week when I suggested this brilliant metaphor:

“Google is saying, ‘We just float around freely above this useful aircraft carrier, Ireland’”

I continued with a comment on France’s attack (continuing the dangerous man war-talk) on Google’s tax affairs:

“What France is saying is, ‘We don’t think you float around over Ireland, we think you are in France.’”

Why do i even need to mention an aircraft carrier? Well, people like war metaphors don’t they. And otherwise it might sound like sexual innuendo.

I could have said “country” instead of “aircraft carrier”, but I wanted to convey my contempt for the aggressive little bog-snorkelling guinness-swilling tax-avoidance-mongers.

I want people to realise that the Irish are doing exactly what the Japanese did at Pearl Harbour. But using Google adwords instead of kamikaze pilots.

Taking the metaphor to its logical conclusion, we have no choice now but to drop the A-bomb on Dublin. What that might be is some sort of ban on Irish goods and services in the UK or perhaps an actual A-bomb, but the point is that Ireland must learn to have an uncompetitive tax rate so that they don’t steal our companies.

Because whilst they have a competitive rate we can easily create moronic dangerous-sounding metaphors to scare the plebs. So they only have themselves to blame.

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