Why is the UK behaving like a slapper?

I don’t like to listen to any of the big four firms. I worry that they might indoctrinate me with their subliminal neoliberal prose.

So it was with great care that I took a peek at KPMG’s International Competitiveness report. I didn’t initially read any of the figures or the report itself, but have relied on third party accounts to inform my critique of this piece of fascist propaganda.

Having carefully formed my opinion I took the precaution of reading the report in five minute bursts with half an hour readings from biographies of Lenin.

Finally, I had read the report and was able to burn my copy.

It was as I had thought all along. By cutting corporation tax and announcing a cut in the top rate of income tax, the UK has become a harbour for undesirable sorts who are trying to avoid taxes.

Look instead at France who are successfully removing these sorts by increasing taxes. Of course, France has no problem with just deporting those it doesn’t want, like the Romany gypsies, but it’s so much more virtuous to deter people through Socialist philosophies and confiscatory taxation.

No, this report confirms my worst fears. The UK is becoming the equivalent of a teenage girl who puts out in order to get the boys to like her. And we all know what happens to her don’t we?

That’s right, she ends up pregnant and the boys don’t respect her or love her and leave her to face the trouble of raising a child with no income. She does the best she can but that child grows up to become Jersey which then goes on to make all of the same mistakes all over again.

No, we can’t let that happen. We mustn’t let that happen. One Jersey is one too many for the world to deal with.

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